You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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