she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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