Your face is a jimmy john
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
