she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
