so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize