I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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