All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
