I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
