Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
