And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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