sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
