We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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