I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
