Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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