when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
