Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
