we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
