i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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