his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
