girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
