so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
