It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
