you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
