You're my little dorito
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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