We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
