Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
