I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
