eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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