Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
