then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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