She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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