Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
