How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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