birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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