Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
