Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He uses pillows to masturbate.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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