i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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