In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
