im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
