We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize