This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
