nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
