I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
