I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize