Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I CAN MOONWALK!

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

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(714): View more from California

We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now

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(612): View more from Minnesota

and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle

(612): View more from Minnesota

safety first

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(504): View more from Louisiana

it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?

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(443): View more from Maryland

Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.

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