My liver just broke up with me...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
