I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
