I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My vagina just clenched in fear
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
