I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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