im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
