Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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