Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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