He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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