If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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