I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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