party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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