I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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