I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
