I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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