we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
