Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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