I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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