So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All the doctor said was why
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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