I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
