Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
