I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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