I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
