also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
