Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
