6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
