I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
