I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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