Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
