Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
