i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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