He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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