How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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