He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
